Historic Diaries: Marsh, 1834
Prayer, Partying, and Self-Pity
Marsh still needed to talk with Appenoose about whether or not the chief would welcome having a missionary, a farmer, and a school at the village, but the arrival of more whiskey and the resumption of partying interfered with his plans. His outburst of remorse and self-pity at the end of this day's entry is not out of character.
Aug. 7th Thurs
Spent the day in collecting words, writing, and in preparation to meet the Chiefs of A's band.
Have had some enlargement of soul in prayer, as I trust and felt some sweet complacency in commending the great object of establishing a mission here to God; and that he could make the mountain become a plain, and with the utmost ease remove every obstacle.
Have just heard that a canoe has arrived bringing whiskey, and I begin to hear the sound of revelry. This is a new trial, for I had just got prepared to have a conversation with the head chief, but he is also drinking and how soon the frolic will be over I cannot tell.
O Lord, I deserve chastisement and trial, and should my object be entirely defeated it would be just; and thou shouldst employ worthier instruments to accomplish thine own work.