964. Massachusetts Centinel, 10 December 17881

Mr. RUSSELL, Is requested to insert in the Centinel, the following—the fact cannot be denied—however the relation of it may be condemned—it is the child of a RAINY DAY.


From trivial causes, great events arise.”

AVONIUS was a confident, decided malcontent.—With him, a thing to be hated, need not but meet with general admiration.

When the new Constitution was first promulged, AVONIUS was silent on the subject: But when its merits were generally known—and its excellence universally acknowledged, AVONIOUS zealously condemned it—It wore, he said, the marks of despotism—and the features of tyranny shewed themselves in every line; In short, with AVONIUS, it was the worst system ever formed by man.

After it had been ratified by Nine States—and THE PEOPLE no longer found a necessity in warmly espousing it, AVONIUS became less its opposer; and at length, softened down to a warm Amendmentite:—Then amendments and alterations of some parts were the burden of his song—his morning and evening meditation.

At this time, AVONIUS had occasion to travel into a neighbouring State—on the road lived an old classmate—and AVONIUS having promised never to “pass without calling,” made his house his noonday stage. It was somewhat late, but his friend had a fine Turkey roasting at the fire—which, with other country cheer, seemed to promise to AVONIUS a good dinner.

Being seated, the favourite topick was broached.—But, alas, the friend of AVONIUS was a staunch Federalist: The discussion therefore was wordy, and, on the part of AVONIUS, warm—The summons to dinner, however, put an end to it.

Instructions had previously been given—“Take away that Turkey, it is not a good one”—said the host. “But, my dear,” answered his lady, “had you not better TRY it before you condemn it—you may be deceived—Besides, I have taken much pains in the cooking—and to say the least, it looks like a good one.” “No, no, my dear, it will not do, my friend AVONIUS has convinced me, that a thing ought not be TRIED to be PROVEDit is not good—so John take it away.” AVONIUS felt the force of his friends wit, but was surprised to see the servant, with all imaginable sang froid, carrying off the Turkey. He said nothing; but partaking of the other things of the table, he made out to dampen his appetite a little: His friend pledged him in a glass of good wine, but not a word about the Turkey, or the Constitution. Dinner being over, AVONIUS bid his friend farewel, and the tavern being then several miles distant—the hour for meals being passed—and he intolerably hungry, the scales fell from his eyes—he saw and cursed the absurdity of his political tenets, and has since returned, a warm advocate for the Constitution’s having a fair trial before it is altered.

1. Reprinted: Newport Herald, 25 December; Wilmington Centinel, 29 January 1789.